9 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A WELLNESS OVERDOSE

I wrote the following feature for The Numinous.  It's filled with Studio 54-inspired allusions and disco lingo, natch.

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Paralyzed by Tarot-noia, astro dates, and constant cleanses? You might be having a wellness overdose, says Mercedes Kiss …

 
 

With planet of spiritual abundance, Jupiter, now in insatiable Scorpio, it could begin to feel like we’re caught up in a zodiac discotheque of wellness … knocking back the ‘booch and dusting all your friends in Astragalus to keep the party going strong.

But watch your step in those Bulletproof platforms, disco minx, because too many sips on this cosmic mix could tip your Health Hustle into the Overdose Zone.

When it comes to wellness, here are 9 ways to tell you’ve gone from “Hot Stuff” to “Le Freak” …

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1// You intro yourself as an 80/20-Intermittent-Fasting-Lacto-Keto-Paleo-Vego-Juicing-(Nutso)
What started as a simple way to alert restaurants of your dietary preference has ballooned into a multi-hyphened food-entity.

The labels began as a way to help you to become THE BEST YOU. The problem is, so many of life’s glories—adventure, experimentation, spontaneity, surrender—require busting through those Bulletproof walls.

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2// You’re stuck in analysis paralysis
You went to the drugstore for eye drops.  After sitting on the itchy carpet comparing ingredients lists for 45 minutes, and diving deep into online review forums, you ultimately leave empty-handed (deeming it utterly irresponsible to put such chemically-laden toxic waste on your precious peepers).

When every purchase has become a debilitating tug-of-war between this-or-that-or-DIY, I dare you to just pick something by the count of three. If you hate it you can return it … but, babe, your free time isn’t meant to be spent under nasty drugstore fluorescents.

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3// You’re so “cleansed,” your digestive tract sparkles brighter than Martha Stewart’s silver
Yes Martha is the original #girlboss and nearly everything she does is “a good thing.” But constant cleansing is not.

I certainly champion for a diet loaded with green leafy veg, where snacks aren’t shackled in crinkly plastic bags. But adopting the philosophy that certain foods are “clean” and others “dirty” can make a mess of both mind and body. The stress we place on ourselves for crushing that WHOLE movie theater box of Sour Patch Kids can be just as gnarly to our overall health as its nutrient (non)density or caloric hit.

  Collage by the author

Collage by the author

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4// D stands for Detox, Dharma, Dulse … and Debt
After a recent super-natural shopping spree of powdered adaptogens, a highly-touted jade yoni egg, and a year’s supply of organic Jojoba oil, I crashed down with an ego-breaking thud when I checked my bank account.

Take a lesson from a gal who’s been there: all the green products in the world aren’t worth finding your finances in the red.

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5// E stands for Exercise … but also Exhaustion and Escape
I love running for long stretches out in nature with fabulous company … like Blondie or Donna Summer’s greatest hits! But I knew I needed to ask myself why I was craving those daily 2-hour jaunts when no amount of sleep left me feeling rested and I was procrastinating on other obligations.

The warning signs were obvious but I pushed to the physical and emotional breaking point before admitting, “I’m a savage for sweat who’s literally running away from reality.”

So sure, go after the high. But listen to your body’s wisdom and keep your intentions honest.

  Collage by the author

Collage by the author

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6// You have more dates with your colon-hydrotherapist than with your lover
Or your acupuncturist/Reiki Master/cryo chamber, and your best-friend/sister/mom …

Checking in with your tribe can bring tremendous satisfaction and healing all its own. The relief sought from your bevy of external therapies could mask other areas of life, and the relationships that really count, being swept under the rug.

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7// The stars. Must. Align
Your astrology newsletter said the 1st would be a “compromised day for business relationships,” so you called in sick to work. The 14th is forecasted to be lucky for romance, so you triple booked Tinder dates (swipe right! – swipe right! – swipe right!).

The zodiac is many things: magical, intriguing, guiding, telling. But it is not a guarantee. We might be handed a roadmap with highlighted routes, but it’s up to us to fill up the tank and drive responsibly.

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8// You’ve turned into “Sage On The Stage”
You find yourself in a social situation (a catchup over hemp milk lattes or dinner at that new “farm-to-upcycled-tablecloths” joint), and suddenly you morph into Gwyneth Paltrow meets Tony Robbins meets Anderson Cooper.

Sharing your wellness wisdom is a noble cause. Just remember, Your Highness of Health, that friends are equals and not a paying audience. They want to hang with you, not necessarily your monologue on ceremonial Matcha.

  Collage by the author.

Collage by the author.

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9// “Wellness” just isn’t juicy enough
Do you ever say a word so many times that it loses all meaning? It dissolves into syllables, then elemental sounds, then POOF! It’s gone.

Wellness is, well, one thing … and it doesn’t get to the heart of all we sumptuous creatures crave. With expansive Jupiter stoking our transformational fires through November 3 2018, how about we also go after GREAT-ness? FIERCE-ness? Some Scorpio SEXI-ness? When it comes to disco-diva FABULOUS-ness, I’ll take a strong hit everyday.

Mercedes Kiss is a Boston-based designer, writer, and holistic health coach. After rocking her 20s as an architect of fancy buildings, she jumped tracks and became an architect of the soul. Follow her on Instagram and discover more about A STAND OUT, her sparkly biz devoted to serving a growing tribe of babes through high-vibe articles, personalized wellness coaching, and a line of hand-crafted organic skincare.